Someone Is Missing
The boys were dedicated this weekend. I am going to post about that next. Over the last few weeks as we have prepared for the dedication, I have had baby girl on my mind. Did I ever think it was possible to miss someone so much that I have never met? I think of her often. I talk to Eli & Beckett and tell them that one day, I will tell them about their baby sister. When people ask me all the time, "are they twins?" Part of me wants to say, "No! They are triplets. I lost their sister." But part of me knows that a simple yes (as if it wasn't obvious) is enough. When I wonder through the baby department at Target, my eyes always glance over the girl clothes and I think about how I would have matched her to her brothers. Sometimes early in the morning when I am rocking Beckett, I wonder what she looked like? Dark and chubby like Beckett? Light and insanely happy like Eli? The perfect missing link between her brothers?
Saturday night before the dedication, after everyone had gone to bed. I tip-toed in the nursery and took her box down off the shelf. I sat in the floor of my closet looking through all the items. Tiny little pink and purple socks a friend gave us. A preemie gown she would have worn. Notes and cards of encouragement from friends and family. As tears rolled down my face, I missed her so much.
I took out my journal and began to revisit passages and thoughts that I wrote down. I read so many blogs that follow amazing Christian women as they face challenges and difficulties of losing children. I have the button for Jonathan's Journey on my blog. I encourage anyone to read her story. I read them and realize that it doesn't matter if you miscarry and lose a baby at 8 weeks, if like me, you suffer loss at 5 months, or if you lose your baby at birth or shortly after... the pain is the same. The love you have for that child starts even before they are conceived. "It doesn't matter if you have 100 more babies, someone would still be missing." But the hope is in God's word and His promises too us. While I didn't get to hold my baby girl, He did. "Sometimes God uses the footprints of our little ones to show us His eternal love"
"The wall was made of jasper, and the city of pure gold, as pure as glass. The foundations of the city walls were decorated with every kind of precious stone. The first foundation was jasper, the second sapphire, the third chalcedony, the fourth emerald, the fifth sardonyx, the sixth carnelian, the seventh chrysolite, the eighth beryl, the ninth topaz, the tenth chrysoprase, the eleventh jacinth, and the twelfth amethyst. The twelve gates were twelve pearls, each gate made of a single pearl. The great street of the city was of pure gold, like transparent glass. " Revelation 21:18-21
While Beckett & Eli are here being dedicated, she is already there! The beauty that she sees, the love she receives, can we even imagine? God chose me to be "a vessel".. to bring a soul into Heaven. And there she waits on us.
A friend from college sent me the song Glory Baby by Watermark. It is a beautiful tribute to those who have an angel in Heaven. I can't wait to see mine!
I can't imagine Heaven's lullabies
And what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing
Heaven is your home
And it's all you'll ever know
All you'll ever know
Love,
The Riley's
Saturday night before the dedication, after everyone had gone to bed. I tip-toed in the nursery and took her box down off the shelf. I sat in the floor of my closet looking through all the items. Tiny little pink and purple socks a friend gave us. A preemie gown she would have worn. Notes and cards of encouragement from friends and family. As tears rolled down my face, I missed her so much.
I took out my journal and began to revisit passages and thoughts that I wrote down. I read so many blogs that follow amazing Christian women as they face challenges and difficulties of losing children. I have the button for Jonathan's Journey on my blog. I encourage anyone to read her story. I read them and realize that it doesn't matter if you miscarry and lose a baby at 8 weeks, if like me, you suffer loss at 5 months, or if you lose your baby at birth or shortly after... the pain is the same. The love you have for that child starts even before they are conceived. "It doesn't matter if you have 100 more babies, someone would still be missing." But the hope is in God's word and His promises too us. While I didn't get to hold my baby girl, He did. "Sometimes God uses the footprints of our little ones to show us His eternal love"
"The wall was made of jasper, and the city of pure gold, as pure as glass. The foundations of the city walls were decorated with every kind of precious stone. The first foundation was jasper, the second sapphire, the third chalcedony, the fourth emerald, the fifth sardonyx, the sixth carnelian, the seventh chrysolite, the eighth beryl, the ninth topaz, the tenth chrysoprase, the eleventh jacinth, and the twelfth amethyst. The twelve gates were twelve pearls, each gate made of a single pearl. The great street of the city was of pure gold, like transparent glass. " Revelation 21:18-21
While Beckett & Eli are here being dedicated, she is already there! The beauty that she sees, the love she receives, can we even imagine? God chose me to be "a vessel".. to bring a soul into Heaven. And there she waits on us.
A friend from college sent me the song Glory Baby by Watermark. It is a beautiful tribute to those who have an angel in Heaven. I can't wait to see mine!
I can't imagine Heaven's lullabies
And what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing
Heaven is your home
And it's all you'll ever know
All you'll ever know
Love,
The Riley's