A life changing year
Has it really been a year? A whole year has gone by since we welcomed Beckett Ryan Riley & Elijah Luke Riley into this world. As I go back through pictures and read through my blog, I am just overwhelmed with emotion about this milestone. The changes in our lives, the speed in which it passed, the wanting for just a moment to hit pause and savor it a little longer. Where did my squirmy, tiny, 5 and 1/2 lb babies go? They turned into little boys. (or big boys I should say :-)
I want to remember every moment. I want to remember every smile, every laugh, every "1st", every feeling that new motherhood has brought me for I know one day I will just have the memories.
Holding my babies for the first time -
Bringing them home from the hospital -
Introducing them to their "sisters"
The sleepless nights that I though would never end... and then all of the sudden months later, I find myself wishing they would wake up so I could hold them more.
The realization of how fast they were growing. Every time I had to change out sizes of clothes in their drawers and box up the small sizes. I don't think its happened a single time without tears :-)
The special sweet box under my bed where I keep the clothes that I just can't bear to part with. I look at it sometimes when I am cleaning and think.. were they really this small?
The feeling when they first began to smile at us. Then coo.. then laugh. How I use to just lay here video taping the monitor so that I could capture that sweet sound.
The feeling of the world's tiniest and softest hands. How my heart just melts when they squeeze me and pat my face.
How exciting it was when they started moving and interacting. Rolling over and over. How horrible we felt the time we let them roll off the bed!
Each new skill, each new development, every imitated word or sound, brings such joy to me. Watching their eyes light up over the most simple things. Amazing how much more I notice God's creation - the birds, animals, trees, and everything around us. It's like discovering it all over again. What fun experiencing it with them all over again. Swings and slides and wagons and farms and so many other things that we forget as we become adults. What an overwhelming sense of responsibility that can just be scary at times. Never again is it just me. Never again can I ever just think of myself. They are in the forefront of every decision, plan, and thought. And how before they were born I thought that would be so difficult to adjust to. And now they are here, its as natural as my heart beating.
How easily they help you see your failures and your flaws. When my temper has gotten the best of me and when Justin has driven me as crazy as I can be... I see them watching. I see them learning. I feel the responsibility and impact that my behaviours have on the men (so hard to believe they will grow up to be men :-) they will become.
It has made me realize even more how reliant I am on God's grace. On his strength. He has trusted me with His children and He is there to guide me and be the perfect mom for Eli & Beckett. I can only be on my knees in gratitude thanking Him for the amazing lives that He has blessed me with.
Is it even possible that each day of the last year has been better than the last? I feel sometimes that I am going to wake up and it hasn't all been real. Isn't that a crazy kind of happiness? Like its too good to be true :-)
Beckett & Eli I hope will read this some day and realize the depth and breath of not only his parents love but their heavenly Fathers too. Little ones - your mom is totally head over heels in love with you and I am blessed to have shared your 1st year with you!
Love,
The Riley's